Attacking Squirrels
by JLaurenB
Summary: Have you ever seen a giant squirrel? Have you ever made this giant squirrel... mad? GASP! Find out what happens to Sally and Robbie..when good squirrels go bad! Compliments to an anonymous friend! Oh.. and George!


This actual story begins as the On star operator and his client are having a conversation on the phone. Robbie was just attacked by a squirrel. We are unsure as to when and unsure as to how. Sally, the operator, immediately steps into action. Do enjoy.

Sally: Did he say where he was going next?

Robbie: No He didn't Say where…He was massive though! I tried to shoot him… but he got away...because he was a squirrel and ran really fast

Sally: Did u shoot your foot again?

Robbie: No, not this time…almost though.

Sally: Oh that's good.

Robbie: I was wearing steel toe boots. That's why.

Sally: Oh I see. I wear those every day. It's perfectly normal.

Robbie: I do when I shoot because you know what happens if you don't.

Sally: So you really don't know where it's going next?

Robbie: Nope, really don't. Why?

Sally: Because there's an army of squirrels on the local news...

Robbie: Whoa! I'd better get my steel toe boots on and get a couple of grenades'!

Sally: Gee that building looks familiar that they're in front of!

Robbie: Hum, I wonder what it might be.

Sally: So familiar that... Hold on. The doorbell rang.

Robbie: Hide!

Sally: Be right back, I got to get that. It might be the UPS guy. He's delivering my recycled pencils today.

PAUSE DRAMATICALLY

Sally: Oh no! Help! On Star! I'm dying!

Robbie: Oh no!

Sally: They're pulling me away from the phone!

Robbie: You live too far away!

Sally: Take an airpla...silence

Robbie: No! Why!

Mr. Squirrel: Hello this is Mr. Squirrel.

Robbie: What have u done with her?

PAUSE DRAMATICALLY

Robbie: Don't make me get the gun!

Mr. Squirrel: Don't you dare use that tone with me!

Robbie: Ha! What are you gonna do?

Mr. Squirrel: You'll be sorry, mister.

Robbie: Sissy! I dare you to send an army of squirrels!

Mr. Squirrel: Oh, don't worry, I already did.

Robbie: Oh yeah? Well… I laugh in the face of squirrels!

Mr. Squirrel: I laugh in the face of guns!

Robbie: Wait… you sent what?

Mr. Squirrel: Yeah. And they can teleport like magic! O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o!

Robbie: Sigh Can you wait? I got to get the door. It might be the pizza guy. Did you hear about Dominoes new 2 for 1 deal?

Mr. Squirrel: Yes. It's very interesting.

Robbie: Ahhh! Squirrels!

Mr. Squirrel: Muahaha

boom boom

Robbie: Ahhh my foot!

Mr. Squirrel: Good job, fellow squirrels!

Robbie: Someone call 9-1-1! Wait... I work for On Star… Gaah!

Mr. Squirrel blinks

Robbie puts phone down and struggles under squirrels

Robbie: You'll never take me alive!

DRAMATIC PAUSE

Robbie: Muahaha! I've defeated all of your puny squirrels! Muahaha! You can do nothing to defeat me now! Does happy dance

Mr. Squirrel: No comment. Here. Have your stupid girl back! I'm fleeing for my life!Robbie: Ha! Run, sissy!

Mr. Squirrel: I'm taking a mental note of this conversation for future reference before I flee.

Sally: gasp

Robbie: What?

Sally: Do u know how long it takes for squirrels to untie knots?

Robbie: Oh. Guess not. How long?

Sally: Pretty long! They're still working on my feet.

Robbie: Oh my good golly gosh!

Sally: They told me to tell you to look behind you. They sent their mutated squirrel or something…whatever that means!

Robbie!!! Oh no... I killed the whole army but forgot 1 squirrel…the buff one…

Sally: That's usually not a good sign.

Robbie: Hold on… good gracious!

Sally: What? What's happening? Want me to call 9-1-1?

Robbie: I am 9-1….

Gets punched in face by huge squirrel.

Robbie: Oh that's it.

Attempts to punch squirrel but breaks hand on rock hard abs.

Robbie: owe!

Sally: Oh sorry...I should've warned u not to punch him….I'd try burning or squeezing or something.

Robbie: Oh. Good idea. I'll try that…

sneers  
Robbie: Muahaha!

Burns torch and waves around like maniac

Robbie: Ahhh timber! Oh snap. He's falling on me! Ahhh run for your life!

Creak! Boom!

Robbie: Oh darn, now I'm stuck. I'll try to get him off but he weighs a lot.

Sally: That's okay. I just sent a stick for you FedEx to pry him off.

Robbie: Oh. Thanks! How about a cast for my broken hand, too?

Sally: By the way, you're a fast Typer! I'm a psychic. I know these things.

Robbie: Oh thanks. I practice! I even compete in world tournaments.

Sally: Oh, really? Wow! I never knew there was such a thing!

Robbie: I got beat last month though... By a Brit named Sir Typesfast. He types 193 words a minute with 1 hand! I was no match… It was me versus him in the finals. But he blew me away.

Sally: Oh. I'm sorry.

Robbie: Doorbell! Must be my stick!

Clears throat

Robbie: Mom! Could you get the door? I'm stuck under a giant squirrel!

DRAMATIC PAUSE

Robbie: Whew!

Sally: Wait, she can't hear you. Well… if she could, that would be amazing! She's over here doing aerobics in the garage with the music turned up real loud.

Robbie: What do you mean? She's in the kitchen making broccoli… well I think so anyways.

Sally: Sigh That wasn't your real mom then, silly.

Robbie: Hmm. That might be a problem. How am I gonna get this squirrel off now?

Sally: Oh well, I got to go eat dinner. Good luck with that squirrel…we're having steak and potatoes!

Robbie: Oh. That's too bad. Well, I guess I'll talk to you later… Bye Sally!

Sally: See you later, Robbie!


End file.
